You get to meet people in your life who can say anything on any topic. They are all-knowers, all-pervading and have opinions in any matter. In one of recent trips, I came across a person from such a ‘tribe’. Well, we did not speak to each other so strictly speaking we did not meet. Since he was occupying the berth across mine and chatting with a couple sitting in his opposite berth, I was overhearing their conversation. Though, eavesdropping is not my forte, but in train journeys, it is difficult to ignore the conversations of fellow passengers, especially if one of them belongs to that ‘tribe’.
My protagonist was talking most of the time and the couple was the captive listener. It all started with some berth reservation issue the couple had. When the TTE came, the issue came up. The TTE assured the couple of some help and asked the man to come with him. My hero sensed and grabbed the opportunity to roll out his outpouring.
Firstly, he was from some police department and that too not from the ordinary constabulary, as he informed. He was from some special department due to which, he is entitled for certain privileges while traveling. For example, he will always be allotted a lower berth, if he is not accompanied by a colleague then the upper berth just above his berth must remain vacant (the TTE cannot allot it to anyone), he will get his preferred meal from the pantry, he can stop the train just by whistling, he can travel in plain dress (in jeans and T-shirt), etc. Since the TTE cannot ask for money in front of him, he (the TTE) asked the man to come with him towards the vestibule where the ‘issue’ would be settled. He claimed to have helped 150 students to board trains yesterday without ticket as the hostels were closed suddenly.
He made us knowledgeable by revealing a startling information about tall persons (>6 ft 1.5″) travelling by railways. It seems that there is a rule in railways that tall persons are eligible to get 75% concession in the fare since the berths in rail coaches are only 5’11” max in length. This rule was framed by British and still continuing. I have never heard of such a funny and ridiculous rule. But my protagonist was insistent and telling the couple how to avail the facility. You need to have a medical certificate certifying your height, should have physical copies with you if you are buying the ticket from counter or scanned image in case you are buying the ticket online. Simple solutions!
As per him, to accommodate the ever increasing population, the government should expand the borders. It should try to merge all the neighbouring countries into the country. After all, all the neighbouring countries (Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Burma, Nepal, Bhutan, even Sri Lanka) were part of India, once upon a time. Thankfully, he did not mention China.
Regarding problems with the demand of Statehood for Delhi, he blamed a former minister who created the state of Delhi by allowing legislative assembly. He compared it with Great Britain where, as per him, still monarchy rules, the Queen’s writ is binding on the elected government and the prime minister there is just symbolic. I was trying to cover my ears. Things were going out of control.
He opined that demonetization should happen every five years so that all the cash held with public comes out and black money gets wiped out totally. Simple solution, undoubtedly!
He seemed in his thirties. I guessed it when he was talking to his kids over phone. He spoke with two kids, one was school going as he enquired about school things and since classes aren’t happening due to Annual Day function rehearsals and since severe cold conditions are prevailing, the kid should not attend school. The other baby was probably just about a couple of years old, Chiku was the name. He kept asking Chiku whether he has taken milk etc. Chiku was not bothering to respond. Why I am narrating this because I was startled when he claimed that he had accompanied the government officials who went to Kandahar to free the hostages. This was sometimes in the year 1999. My ‘hero’ must be attending school then. He mentioned Kabul instead of Kandahar. I was dumbstruck!
He has also been PA to MPs. Personal Assistant to Member of Parliament, as he claimed. One more startling fact was revealed. It is the rule that all cheques to withdraw money from MPLAD fund are signed by the PA and not by the concerned MP. This is just because nobody can blame the MP for (mis) utilisation of the fund. Since he has been a PA to several MPs, before joining police, he knows the procedure. Strange procedure and if this is really true, God help our MPs.
It is difficult to recollect all the things that he said. Apart from me, one fellow passenger, about the same age as mine, was listening intently to our ‘hero’. Though I kept mum throughout, he could not anymore abstain himself. I knew it was futile to even try restricting this man from his blah blah.
Our ‘hero’ belonged to Rajasthan and has 3000 acres of land as ancestral property. He claimed to belong from a royal family. He claimed that police authorities enter his village only when his elders allow them. The daroga would call his elder people first, explain the reason why they want to enter and should wait for permission. The elders will try to resolve the problem first and thereafter, if still the police intervention needed, then only they would be allowed to enter the village. Indeed, the royal flavour is still prevalent.
As for the couple, who were the recipient of the mindless and continuous torrent, relief came only when they decided to call it a day. They excused themselves by pleading that they would have to get down in some station which comes early morning.
The Contradictions 